It is impossible to know what is and is not “biological reality” for women’s sexuality within a system that is actively repressing it. Many things that we will see as “innate” may turn out to just be products of the system. And, some of them really will turn out to be innate, but we won’t be able to tell one from the other until years from now.
However, I will agree with you, that you have to accept women as they are at now in order to date. It doesn’t matter if something is “biological” or “social”, if you want to date in the present, you have to date under current social norms. The fact that women could be sexually liberated, and open, and forward in some other reality is good for women exploring their sexual potential, but not good for those of us trying to date them.
I got the feelz for you bro, cuz dating women really can be hard and — frankly — I’ve found it to be emotionally crushing in a way that dating men was not. The way I phrased it to friends was “men objectified my body, women objectified my soul.” Things like how successful or how popular I was started to matter more when I was dating women. And yes, not all women are like that just like not all men are physically objectifying, but enough are to make it a thing.
And, there’s a particular type of oppressiveness when people are attracted to your potentially changeable traits. Like, me as someone who did jiu jitsu was hotter to women than me as someone who does yoga (I think.) So now, I feel pressure to do jiu jitsu even if I like yoga more cuz I think women will think I’m hotter. This… never really happens with men. Or, it happens with physical appearance only. It’s like, men will think I’m hotter if I’m in a low cut shirt — but I’m still me in a low cut shirt. I can bitch about the low cut shirt as much as I want, I can say “this is objectifying” or whatever, and they wont’ care. They’ll still think it’s hot. Women will think I’m hotter if I like jiu jitsu more than yoga, which like, is a much deeper request. I have to *actually like* jiu jitsu more than yoga, or pretend to. It’s like my personality has to change. It’s more subtle and harder to see, but it’s still hella oppressive and miserable.
Anyway, there are no easy answers. And yeah, it sucks when you’re dating women cuz you always have to pull the moves. But, these are all the laws of averages. There are weird people out there, people who change the norms, people who don’t do thinks like everyone else is doing things. If you’re really very unhappy with how things are “normally” in society, you may want to seek out the stranger places of society.
End of the day, people are very diverse. You’ll meet all sorts if you go out looking for them.
Best wishes ❤